i haven't been on here in a while, and its changed a little. trying to keep up with myspace. now they have facebook to compete with. thats a bummer...

anyways, lately i have had the overwhelming urge to just get out of spartanburg!! and i know the reasons. reasons i wish didn't exsist. reasons i can't say. and u know, its not a big deal kinda thing. to me it is, but it won't effect anyone else...well, i take that back it would effect a few people if i left or if i just confronted the reason why i want to get out for a while.  but very few. i have more the one reason. i can share a few, cause they don't include anyone. i just want to get out and go somewhere. when my family travels, we go to the same places. TN, or the beach. i want to go to a city. i want to experience a different pace of life. i would love to go to london, or paris, or china! it really doesn't matter. it doesn't have to be far away, it could be to NY, hawaii, texas, washington... just anywhere where life is different. different sites, atmosphere, pace of life, energy... i also want out to kind of educate myself on whats out there, not be so ignorant about how the world works. meet new people. i feel like im stuck in a rut ( i know its a cliche', but its true) at the same time im scared. scared that i will be overwhelmed, scared that what i find will change me, and not for the better. and a little scared that i just might not come back. don't get me wrong. im not some whiny kid wanting to get away from my parents. i love my family, even if we are a little messed up, and fight..lol... no family is perfect. if i left, i would probably want to take someone with me. but who? cause who wants to go on a road trip alone?  and when would i go, where would the money come from?  if i left after i got out of highschool, then i wouldn't be ready for college ( and i AM going to college!!) this summer is over almost. when i get out of college i would need to immediately get a job, pay off student loans, establish myself. ah, who im i kidding? im gonna go to college get a job, and then just live a normal life. i don't have the means to travel...i don't have the knowledge to know how to even go about getting somewhere and making the most of the visit. hotels, traveling arrangements...sites to see. i dunno what all there is to plan for even...i just needed to vent i guess. well, at least i finally put up a post. even if its pathetic.. : /